Megalucifers 2025

Perhaps nature cleans itself, or perhaps a typical scene moron grew smaller, because this year there will be even fewer participants in your favorite annual article. No, the concentration of disgusting stuff on the scene remains the same, but for the most part, it's just a dull nonsense. Another deathcore band vocalist tried to rape someone, another festival or band joined the ranks of Antifa, or the CRADLE OF FILTH mercenaries quarreled with Danny through low royalties... It's all boring and uninteresting. I'll put only selected examples, with a twist, under your Christmas tree.

IHRER KAMPF

There's a pretty nasty - and, looking at the number of his projects, chronically unemployed - metal punk living in Canada. He's got an idiotic pseudonym Jo Capitalicide (it's already clear at this point that you can't expect anything adequate from such a character). This is poor man's Joel Grind of some sort, much less talented and useful. During a Chile tour, Jo and his ICE WAR bandmates found an incredibly powerful way to demonstrate their degenerate beliefs - they pissed at Miguel Serrano's grave and solemnly posted it on Instagram. I'm not at all against the idea of defecating on the graves of enemies. I myself have a small list of people whose burial sites I would like to, um, visit one day. But it's about the enemies. Those who have influenced your life directly. Where are these Canadian fuckers, and where is Serrano? In every sense. What does he have to do with them? Here is another example of modern American black-and-white thinking. It is unlikely that "Joe the Halfwit Capital Killer" knows anything about Serrano. except that he is popular among the National Socialists. And that he was one of the greatest philosophers of the twentieth century, whose eccentric ideas went far beyond esoteric Hitlerism alone. To paraphrase the famous saying, when a bunch of punks on Serrano's grave, the rain will wash it away, but when Serrano's followers piss on these punks, they will drown. And finally, no matter how controversial Serrano is, in Chile he is recognized as an important historical figure. Who the fuck are you to come to a foreign country and literally piss on its legacy? Imagine that every tourist coming to Canada would leave a brown souvenir on some historical memorial?

BLACK ACCORDION OF GALIMATIAS

In recent years, AI-(de)generated garbage has been rapidly filling the Internet, and there are even those who seriously suggest things like: "If it works well, then why not watch/listen/read it" (look around and be on alert! These coprophages walk among us!). Therefore, by itself, there is nothing surprising in the fact of appearance of another thoroughly fake musical project. But this case stands out.
The story (that never happened) of the alleged Norwegian KRIEGOTTER project begins with the duo KRIEGS ÖTER, allegedly created in 2016. Then this duo fell after an incredibly (literally, since it is impossible to believe this bullshit) dramatic event when how one of the participants wanted to burn the church down, and the other - to desecrate the monastery. The latter left the band and supposedly died, while the former remained and reformed the band into his solo project KRIEGOTTER, where he plays Black Accordion War Metal. The sky is trembling, for he's coming!
In fact, all of this is some kind of ridiculous hoax that could be mistaken for a dumb joke if it weren't for the obvious efforts of the fool behind KRIEGOTTER to be serious. At his Instagram (where else, haha), KRIEGOTTER presents catastrophic pictures in the distinctive "Midjourney+MS Paint" style and posts pompous fairytales generated in Chat GPT, full of burnt churches, battles in the north, infernal character clashes and explosive pathos. I was particularly amused with the piece about a former member who declared war on Norwegian Black Metal and in particular Necrobutcher from MAYHEM, saying that the latter turned the once legendary band into an "Irish brewery" or some shit. And then he wanted to send Necrobutcher the split skull of an otter (what's the otter's fault? Go crush your own head, motherfucker)! The "music" of both projects is also completely generated in AI and was released only on YouTube. And there is no need to talk about the "artwork".

But that was just the beginning. In early 2025, KRIEGOTTER released the album “Moskaljäger”, , and you got it right – it was a terribly important statement against Muscovites and neo-Soviet imperialism. Soon after, the KRIEGOTTER channel on YouTube was allegedly deleted by censors (spoiler: no one did this, because no one gives a fuck), drowning out the powerful Norwegian voice! The dramatic events continued to unfold: after some time, a live performance of KRIEGOTTER in Poland was announced (in the company of not just anyone, but ZNICH), but... the brave artist was attacked by pro-russian activists, who wanted to take their revenge for the mighty “Moskaljäger” and to cancel the show. At this point, Stanislavsky falls to the floor with a heart attack, and the audience loses consciousness. The curtain is coming down. On the stage, in a round beam of light, only the "Golden Raspberry" remains.
Bottom line is, I didn't understand what it was. And for what purpose. Maybe it's some kind of Ukrainian kid having fun in migration? After all, we already have a precedent in the form of DRAUGVEIL, but at least some efforts were made there. But everything connected to KRIEGOTTER screams "IMBECILE" in huge red letters. Or is it a joke after all? Hardly. IMPALED NORTHERN MOONFOREST - that was a joke. I wouldn't even be surprised to know that KRIEGOTTER was the first independent attempt of Chat GPT to create its own Black Metal project. Because everything about it is just absurd.

VANILLA EIS LEHRE

Recently, German Prophecy Productions quite often finds itself in the middle of another funny scandal. For most of its career, Prophecy was the elite of hipster metal, discovering bands like ALCEST and being one of the first to learn how to make beautiful limited editions that people would give their last pants for. For quite a long time, the label followed in the wake of its audience, being as “safe” as possible, and even posted black squares at social media after the famous events in the USA. But then Martin Koller, the owner of Prophecy, moved to the States himself and obviously decided to stop caring about the superficial aspects. He announced that he believes in creative freedom and does not pay attention to the personal political beliefs of the artists. So what, you ask? Well, apparently, such bold concepts are not acceptable in the modern world! For example, the Lupus Lounge (sublabel of Prophecy) band EÏS made a huge statement in the best traditions of neo-Marxist university education: two paragraphs of empty words, the whole meaning of which can be reduced to “freedom of creativity = fascism.” It should be noted that Koller even emphasized that he himself is not "right-wing“, and in his roster you will not find a single "right-wing" band, not even in the slighthest. But that's not enough for leftist cultural terrorists. If you don't share even a millimeter of their sick delusions, you're a fascist. By the way, smarter people than me warned about that more than 10 years ago. This case shows how black and impenetrable is the anus corner where scene tourists drive themselves in. If Prophecy is a fascist for you... a massive amputation of the right arms will soon be required, because they are right after all!
In the context of Prophecy, one can also mention my certain compatriots, newly declared "extremists" who are also signed to this label. ecently, their frontwoman fanned a scandal around a dumb Belarusian teenage girl for taking interviews with russian artists (also dumb teenagers and schoolchildren) for her Telegram channel. But for some reason it doesn't stop them from sharing the label with ardent "eurasians" MOON FAR AWAY. The question of what looks more deplorable - a left-wing schizoidal hysteria or these double standards - remains open.

BLACK METAL MOZART AND SCHOPENHAUER OF SWINDLE

At the center of this issue of Megalucifers is a fascinating drama worthy of a big screen adaptation! Its main character's name is Andreas Stedinger. If this approximately 50-year-old German was a role-playing game character, his "bullshitting" parameter would be at maximum level, and he himself would look like the reincarnation of the cult character Adoring Fan from The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion and Starfield. It all started with the fact that in 2024 he created a fan channel dedicated to BURZUM on Telegram, and literally from the first post he shared a secret: he and other guys burned down several churches in Germany in the 90s, as he was inspired by the example of Varg Vikernes, who did not talk, but acted (yeah, Vikernes always was a very reserved and quiet person, everyone knows that). Then Stedi began to hint that at one time he was a prominent activist of the Deutsche Heidnische Front, a pagan NS organization founded by the well–known Hendrik Moebus. Simultaneously, he started to ingratiate himself with the former members under the guise of “the student who sat behind that column at all lections". Among other things, he expressed his personal gratitude to Moebus for his support and guidance. As it turned out, Hendrik's "support" was that in early 2024 he acquired several fanzines from Andreas. About the same narratives were distributed by Stedi through his YouTube.

Andreas' next step was to publish "Burzum: Das Buch", a real book about BURZUM made up of Vikernes's photos and retellings of various articles and interviews taken from the Internet. I haven't read this masterpiece, but according to reviews, everything is even worse there than in Vikernes' latest books, where he retells the contents of his website Burzum.org using emoticons. My German-speaking friends also noted that Andreas speaks his native language at the level of an ignoramus from elementary school. However, Stedinger managed to attract a little attention to himself, because, firstly, the name BURZUM always sells well, and secondly, he sent several copies to the ”stars" of the scene like Rob Darken, and they advertised for him. Darken will even take a picture with a rotten cabbage if politely asked, but this is a separate topic. One way or another, the number of subscribers to the BURZUM channel has grown rapidly, and Stedi even appointed moderators from his most loyal fans (he was tired of banning people for criticism by himself). T-shirts with the logo of the channel came out, nightmarish in their absurdity (I'm not kidding).

Stedi further stated ... about the reformation and the return of the DHF. Again, with a bold hint that he is behind this initiative, but everything is so terribly radical and dangerous about it that it must remain in secret. Even leaving aside the fact that the creation of an NS organization in today's Germany looks like unscientific fiction, it is very difficult to believe in it. Former DHF members were forced to publicly declare that Stedi had never participated in the DHF and had not reformed anything, and Moebus personally called Stedi a liar. Stedi called them liars in return, and stated that the old DHF was still not “radical and criminal” enough for him. It soon became clear that he needed the fake DHF only as a co–publisher of a powerful release - BURZUM “Hvis Lyset Tar Oss"! And not in some petty format, but on double colored LP with an original design. And with errors on the cover (it said "Buirzum" and "Huis Lyset Tar oss”).

And then it became interesting, because because writing bullshit on paper and in Telegram is not forbidden, but publishing someone else's record without having the rights to do so is still forbidden. Plastic Head, who own the rights to BURZUM's recordings, are not actively fighting piracy, but even they couldn't not notice the release of an illegal DLP in the middle of Europe. The release could only be purchased by pre-order, which was already alarming, but Stedi, as a guarantee of honest business, allowed customers to pay via PayPal. But even here there was a nuance. The e-mail used for payments belonged to Tempus Immobilen, a real estate agency where Stedi once worked. I can imagine the faces of the company's employees if the police broke into their office demanding to explain their involvement in neo-Nazi organizations and releasing counterfeit products.

While the vinyl was supposedly being produced, Stedi continued to forge iron: lick Varg's ass in all possible ways, sell copies of "Vargsmål" (which is banned in Germany, btw), promote his book with customer reviews (generated in Chat GPT), promote his merchandise in the vein of teenage "All Stars" magazines (Quiz! Whoever names Varg Vikernes' favorite dish will receive a prize!), and make new posts with hints of crimes he supposedly commited or planned in the 90s. Stedi also published BURZUM longsleeves with the legendary “Support your local Einsatzkommando” design and somehow was not fined for it. Raises some questions... There was also a story with the support of a certain project, which involved a titanic-sized powerlifting woman, whom you can see on the cover of NACHTFALKE's latest album, but it would be too much even for Megalucifers. At that time, only one of those involved had not received a copy of the book... Varg Vikernes. Because Stedi didn't know how to contact his mysterious idol! Apparently, the greatest BURZUM fan in the world did not suspect that Varg was constantly on Twitter and engaged in posting ridiculous mind farts no less actively than Stedi himself. In the end, Stedi found Varg and ingratiatingly asked him for the address in order to send him a copy of the book... And Vikernes refused. Then he added that he has no idea who this Stedinger is, but advises his subscribers not to support him. Ouch.

Meanwhile, the vinyl delayed... delayed... delayed again... (what a surprise!). Stedi created a private channel in TG to discuss only this vinyl, and it was possible to get there only by showing a receipt of pre-order payment. At the same time, he banned all his moderators, as they began to doubt the sanctity of Andreas and ask uncomfortable questions. Then Stedi said that the damned Poles (and he – most likely intentionally – ordered vinyl from some very shady company in Poland) were disrupting all deadlines and demanding more money, so the pre-order money wasn't enough. He needed sponsors. Then there was a certain "German mother in an urgent need of surgery" - not a free one, of course. Then Polish scammers allegedly stole all the money. Then Stedi, having sold out all the postcards and condoms with Varg's portraits, rolled out a limited edition of "Vargsmål" in the format... of the audiobook on USB flash drive. 50 copies! Buy now or cry later! Vikernes, again, rejected his copy. Finally, Stedi said that the vinyl situation has been saved - a reliable manufacturer from Estonia will take over! The list of those who can release pirated BURZUM LP in Estonia is pretty short. In fact, there's only one name in it: ASRAR. As they say, your vibe attracts your tribe...

The digital hype sticker that Stedi came up with for this release gave Varg's figures a simply enchanting definition: Nordische BM Mozart. Reality gives birth to memes. ASRAR, of course, is a purulent faggot, but he works quickly, so Stedi received his test presses without delays. Of course, the record pre-sale company had to be organized anew, but who cares? They paid once, they will pay twice. At this point, Plastic Head and Vikernes personally finally entered the game. On Twitter, the latter made it clear to Stedinger that his release is illegal, and he never got any permission for it, and Varg forbade him to sell anything related to BURZUM. Stedi, unable to believe such betrayal on the part of his idol, replied that Varg had given him permission... when he liked one of his Twitter posts. You probably didn't know that in 2025 this is equivalent to signing a contract. I didn't know either. Unfortunately, Plastic Head did not sue the German fraud (so far at least), and in November of 2025 he elegantly absolved himself of responsibility, saying that the vinyl replica was printed by an Estonian publisher, and Stedi himself had nothing to do with it and simply received a certain amount of copies (150, if memory serves me well) for his TG channel. As a gift from the generous ASRAR's heart, obviously. Something tells me that this series isn't over.

The moral here is: don't chase after every pile of shit that has the BURZUM logo painted on it. Even if it was published by Vikernes himself (yes, I'm talking about his latest, ahem, works with AI covers and ”music" that barely reaches the status of drafts).

NIGHT ON A BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

When 2025 was coming to a close, the metal underground was alarmed by the following news: Snorre Ruch (THORNS) and Rune Røstad (SLAGMAUR) went to the mountains and disappeared. A Norwegian online publication wrote that a team of rescuers was sent to search for them. The news quickly spread all over the world, and I also made a post about that on Bagnik Zine Telegram channel.

The very next day, people began to have doubts. The original article and the images in it suspiciously resembled a fabrication made in AI. Then prominent personalities like Dayal Paterson began to vaguely claim that everything is fine with Rune and Snorre. In the end, it turned out that there had been no disappearance, and all these days two Norwegian fools had been quietly sitting in the house. Apparently, they were getting hing on their own farts and jerking off to the mirrors, as Rune came out with a statement that it was a brilliant artistic and social experiment that had been in preparation for 6 years and proved an incredibly fresh idea: that people are easily decieved by information from the media. No shit! And then everything followed the route trodden by NecroNose and the like: the sale of search posters (limited to 100 copies!), the timeline articles of a big adventure, video reports etc. Also, they announced a new conceptual album of SLAGMAUR (which gives the whole situation at least some meaning). I don't know about you, but it reminded me of a forgotten memetic post (from the russian-speaking part of the internet) about the hipster and "black and white art house about the writer who ate his own shit and took it up in the ass". Such far-fetched artistic antics are more likely to discourage someone from listening to SLAGMAUR. When Kvarforth, while obviousy being disgusting faggot and all, faked suicide, he at least jumped off a bridge into cold water in front of the guy who annoyed him. But in this case, everything looks like some stupid game of 45-year-old teenagers. And Snorre, Snorre... He's up for any ridiculous idea, as long as it gives him the chance to delay the release of new THORNS album!

FAKE IT…

The Chilean label Forbidden Files Records is owned by a Chilean with a loud pseudonym Lord Valtgryftåke. This guy is an expert in high-quality copying of other people's music, and some of his many projects have landed on the pages of Bagnik Zine - for example, RÜNDGARD. He is also engaged in graphic design. Drawing logos for money is an integral part of the music scene, but the quick-witted Chilean was the first in my memory to think of selling through his label... ready-made logotypes. That is, the names of the bands. However, there is nothing surprising in this. The year is 2026, and people can't even wipe their ass without the help of artificial intelligence, let alone to rack their brains in the attempt to come up with the band name by themselves. And if there are no ideas for music, or you just don't want to learn how to play it...

…TILL SOMEONE MAKES IT!

... you can always ask Vordb to do that for you! The former LLN member lost a good part of his mind a long time ago. Resurfacing on the Internet along with new wave o interest towards LLN about 15 years ago, he began making new (very bad) music for his old projects. From mid-2010s, he lived in Kyiv, until russians started shooting at it with their fucking rockets in 2022. Then he returned to France, from where he is now promoting the ideas of French-Russian friendship (iron-solid logic, metallic even!) and actively devalues the LLN legacy with embarassing posts on his Vkontakte page. Vordb unites all his creative activities under the banner of an entity called Kaleidarkness, and this year it offered its fans an ingenious initiative: KRFS. Kaleidarkness Riffs For Sale.

That's right, now a member of the iconic Black Legions can sell you a riff for the song. Or maybe several at once - as many as your heart desires! On average, one riff costs 10 Euro, but Patreon/Bootsy subscribers can get it for 8. Such incredible generosity brings tears to one's eyes. I'm sharing the recipe for the cutting-edge metal album of 2026: the title and the logo from Forbidden Files, the riffs from Vordb, the lyrics from Chat GPT, the cover from Midjourney. Done. You're amazing! The perfect creative impotence is finally achieved!

A JOINT PUSHES YOUR SHIT OUT

The above quote about smoking comes from my school friend's dad, and, apparently, the useless band WEEDEATER shares this sentiment (these are another stoner/sludge pot smokers from USA), since they are pretty old, too. For the concert tour in 2025, WEEDEATER released their perfect merch: toilet seats with the band logo. About 100$ for a unit, according to eyewitnesses. Why not? The shithole is an absolutely suitable place for WEEDEATER music, and for the whole pot-smoking sludge metal in general.

P.S. Sorry, I just can't no to share it. "20 million men piss on my name every day!”

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The young Brazilian warrior of black and National Socialist metal, nicknamed Necrose (not to be confused with NecroNose), managed to make a fantastic career worthy of writing the second volume of "The Lords of Chaos", in less than 2 years. In 2024, he founded, in the spirit of modern times, a whole lot of identical projects, themed in NS, vampirism, Satanism etc, and recorded a shit ton of demos and albums. And at the same time created a micro label for all this. Like all young men around 18 years of age, he was looking for his identity. And already in 2025 he found it... in pedophilia! Pedro (this is his real name, not a pun) started by collecting a certain genre of amateur videos featuring children, and then raped and mutilated a 14-year-old girl, filming the process on video. The result was predictable: Pedro was quickly arrested and convicted of violence, spreading CP, and justifying Nazism. If he gets out of a Brazilian prison one day (which I doubt), I think he'll work as a coach of strikers in a football team, because his back door will be exactly the size of the ball.

A FESTIVAL OF CONTEMPORARY FRENCH TRADITION

I will conclude this issue with a short story about the French music festival, which has been held for 3 years in a row and has the enchanting name "Black Blowing Snow Fest". Technically speaking, the name makes sense, but the word ”blow” in our modern perverted world is more often used in the meaning of "dick sucking". Considering the presence of "black" in the name of the festival, one can't help but wonder: maybe the organizers of it are supporters of the uncontrolled migration from the African countires? Of course, I'm joking, and I don't have anything against French people, but the situation here is like with the word "faggot". You can repeat a thousand times that it primarily means a bundle of rods, but everyone, without exception, uses it as "homosexual". And there is nothing you can do about it. I would advise the organizers to choose some other name for the next festival, the name that will not cause indecent associations. For example, Night of Infernal Genocidal Godslaying Extreme Rituals (in short - NIGGER).